Making time for me, Making time for us, and Making time for dinner

Every now and then something happens in life that makes you take a step back and prioritize. What is important? Who is important? Am I actually making time for these people and things amid the crazy clutter that runs my life?

Although I try, sometimes I allow the clutter to take precedence while pushing all of the things that matter to the back burner and it takes something drastic to snap me back to where I need to be.  This weekend I got a wake-up call and my Pollyanna complex found the silver lining in what otherwise was a pretty horrible weekend.  What did I learn you ask? MAKE TIME.

Lesson number one that I have to learn over and over again: Put myself first every now and then.  This is difficult since I am the 2nd of 4 kids and also a habitual people pleaser.  I take care of anyone and everyone, then I feel guilty when someone puts me first and even guiltier asking for what I want.  I am learning that my indecisiveness not the inability to decide, but rather it is complacency and agreeableness.  I know what I would prefer in any given situation(for the most part), I would just rather give in or not speak up than hurt someone's feelings. 

So... I am making myself a priority. What I want, What I think, What I need.  I need rest. I need to listen to my body more. I want to be waited on hand and foot and feel special every once and awhile.  I am lucky, I have someone in my life who wants to do these things for me, I just get in my own way and won't allow it. This is going to be a slow transition, but hopefully one that will make me healthier, happier, and a better person.

The second thing that I have come to understand is that relationships, of all kinds, are not magically perfect; they require real time, effort, and work to make them what you want them to be.  This is true with family, friendships, and romantic relationships; the more you put in, the more you get out. 

As much as I can say that there is always something more pressing going on in my life, until I take the time to nurture these relationships they are not going to grow.  Phone calls, text messages, and emails are all I have to communicate with my loved ones now that we're far apart, but these can be powerful things when used properly.  Little things make big impacts and are how you can show people you truly care.  My relationships are what make me who I am and they are worth fighting to keep.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed couples counselor, this is solely my perspective. As for romantic relationships the biggest hurdle that we are overcoming is getting over the notion that every day is a walk in the park full of rainbows and butterflies.  We have amazing days, mundane days, and we have not so great days, but this is what having a life together is and a LIFETIME is what I'm planning for. However, making time to focus solely on each other is key to getting us through the rough patches. Bringing me to the third topic in the title line...

Making time for dinner.  The dinner table used to be the meeting spot, the time when you put aside all other distractions and focused completely on those around you. The TV, cell phone, computer, even school work took a back seat once the food hit the table. All your problems seem magically lighter after you share them with someone else and talk through everything you have been thinking and holding in all day. 

For RJ and me dinner is the one constant in our increasingly crazy lives.  Even if we have to wait until 10:15 at night when he gets home, we have dinner, together, at the table, no distractions.  It is the time when we can really talk.  Talk about our days, our frustrations, our accomplishments, everything. The dinners aren't always fancy but they are normally home cooked and shared with just the two of us. Even when we are not so happy with each other, 30-45 minutes of uninterrupted time will usually heal all hurts.

I encourage you all to institute "Dinner Time" back into your everyday.  It could be as simple as a sandwich, but taking the time to invest in your personal life will yield amazing returns.  Tonight we are taking advantage of the weather and having dinner on the porch with a bottle of wine.

There will always be laundry to do, re-runs to watch, and errands to run, that I can guarantee.  What is not guaranteed is the time you have to make yourself truly happy.